Blue Light Brigands

Yesterday, as I was driving in slow moving traffic, a car started to furiously honk about ten lengths behind me. Glancing in my rear view mirror I saw the familiar blue flashes of the scourge of the N1, the Blue Light Brigade.

These huge SUV's and sedans in their uniform black paint jobs and flashing blue lights on the roofs have bullied countless other road users while transporting the so-called VIPs. Very ignorant palookas if you ask me.

I doubt that they make use of these convoys to protect themselves against any attacks(although, with our government officials' tendency to surround themselves with dangerous people in their social circles, that might be the case).

I believe that it is more a play to feel important and relevant since their actions and activities relating to their positions do not warrant it.

Furthermore, these so-called VIPs are so anonymous, it is highly unlikely that they will be recognised between all the other tenderpreneurs in their BMWs.

I don't think anyone will drive next to one of our ministers and think:'Look! There goes Sicelo Shiceka, minister of Co-Operative Governance and Traditional Affairs.' It probably would be more a case of:'Look how that idiot drives, he must have got his licence in a lucky packet!'

So whenever you see these Blue Light Buffoons, do not get angry and give them the attention they so desperately crave, rather give way and give them the time-honoured one fingered salute they deserve! (Late edit: Due to the sensitive nature of our country's politicians' egos, please refrain from flipping them the bird, you might be doing it to Winnie and end up as dead as Stompie!)

Hold on to this boy a little longer!

It was a love affair that began in my parent's living room in 1991. As an eight year old boy I was introduced to the folk-rock greatness that was R.E.M.

I was regular viewer of TV3's Technics Heart of the Beat and taped many shows on VHS to watch it the following morning. One of those shows was MTV's R.E.M. Unplugged. It was love at first organ note as they performed A perfect circle as a tribute to another young fan who was struggling with illness. Mike Mills made the organ sound more personal and moving unlike anything I ever heard before and when Michael Stipe started singing in that haunting way that only he can I was in musical heaven.

With the rise in popularity of cd's, my parents eventually bought our first home stereo with a cd player in 1996. Quite fittingly it was a Technics sound system and when my mother took us to buy our first cd's my choice was the newly released 'New Adventures in Hi-Fi'.

Through the years I collected all their albums and made sure I got hold of every single, which are quite scarce in South Africa, that I could.

For 20 years R.E.M. has been my go-to band. I could always find a song to suit my mood in their vast repertoire and for that I am eternally grateful.

From the poppy Radio Free Europe to the instantly recognisable mandolin on Out of Time, the bittersweet melodies of Automatic for the People to the harsh rock chords on Monster, R.E.M. continually reinvented themselves.

With the departure of Bill Berry I thought all was lost. He was after all responsible for their greatest hit,'Everybody Hurts'. That was until the release of Up. In my opinion a fitting tribute to the legacy of Berry and the start of a new era for R.E.M. who now experimented with electronic drum loops and moved into a more reflective lyrical style with songs like 'Sad Professor' and 'The Apologist'. It might not have been the same R.E.M. we have grown accustomed to but it was certainly a brilliant album.

This reinvention continued on later albums 'Reveal' and 'Around the Sun' before returning to their roots with 'Accelerate' and more recently 'Collapse into Now'.

In 2005 I was fortuanate enough to see my idols live in South Africa on their Around the Sun World Tour. It was fittingly the day before my birthday, the 10th of March, that I went to my old high school to fetch my sister. I signed her out at 10:00 in the morning claiming she had an appointment with the dentist and we set off in my 1976 Volkswagen Beetle tot the Dome in Northrand. The night was spent right in front of the stage with Mike Mills working his magic on the bass right in front of us and Michael Stipe strutting his stuff all over the place in his trademark style. Peter Buck played his part to a T and they  were brilliantly supported by the likes of Bill Rieflin on drums, Ken Stringfellow on keyboard and guitar as well as Scott McCaughey on guitar. I would have died quite happily that evening.

Now, after 31 years, the band has called it a day. Sad as it is, they could not have chosen a better time. Staying relevant for such a long period is an achievement in itself but the timing is perfect. They won't fade into obscurity but will rather be remembered as the pioneers that they were.

R.E.M. is not dead, long live R.E.M.

Walking in Joburg on a chilly morning.

The past few weeks were some of the coldest I have ever experienced. Normally Gauteng, especially Pretoria, has moderate winters where you can still get away with wearing shorts, this one has been freezing! Working in Joburg, where the temperature is usually a degree or two colder than Snor City, doesn't help much either!

Every morning I walk a few blocks from Park Station to the office block where I work and I have to brace myself against the elements.

Luckily I have earmuffs in the form of loudspeakers and with the likes of the Cold War Kids playing their soulful beats to warm my eardrums the cold soon becomes an afterthought. That is until the aforementioned band's 'Cold toes on the cold floor' painfully reminds you of the wind howling between the high-rise buildings and freezing your nose and ears off!

And as I walk this icy gauntlet of concrete and glass I will skip that chilly reminder, let the dirty rock of Queens of the Stone Age numb the functioning parts of my brain and think of Spring!

Guard! Guards! .....eh? Car Guards?

The phenomenon known as the orange-vest wearing 'car-guard' that has become entrenched in our society is probably the single most annoying thing in the world! To put it into perspective, I despise them even more than backward thinking people that want to expose the Freemasons and the Illuminati for the threat they are to life on earth as we know it! WTF!!! I even despise them more than motormouth youth league leaders whose brains can't keep up with the constant flapping of their fat lips! Well, maybe not, but they really irritate the crap out of me!
Picture this: Parking on Church Square in Pretoria, as you get out your accosted by a 'car-guard' demanding you give them money for the privilige of parking on municipal property! And instead of just accepting the R5.00 you offer, they demand a certain set amount depending on the length of your stay! Surely the fact that there are parking meters should do away with the necessity of car guards being there in the first place! What else are we paying for?!

It's a pity that our society has allowed for this phenomenon to become the norm, instead of begging with a cardboard (which at times are quite humorous and brightens your day), the beggars are now donning neon orange vests and intimidating (extorting) the motorists who dare park in their territory into paying their arbitrary fees! Such is life in Azania!

Kempton is not too far away...

When I think about how often I travel, which is almost never, I almost always think that I still have to see so much of South Africa. My wife and I have travelled to the Cape on our honeymoon, been to the Wild Coast and into Transkei, seen all the marvels of the Kruger National Park, the waterfalls and potholes in Mpumalanga and explored some of the North Coast, it still only scratches the tip of the iceberg. We have not been to the Golden Gate, we haven't been in Namaqualand during Spring, we haven't gone diving in Sodwana to name but a few. Then why the obsession South Africans have with going abroad? I have thought about this quite often and have come to the conclusion that it is not the pursuit of natural beauty or the hustle of a cosmopolitan city (both of which can be found right here), it is the people. South Africans are fed up with other South Africans! It is one thing to come across people little towns that are almost exactly the same as those in your own little town or the one you just travelled through, but to hear them complaining about the same things is what is getting us down! Whether it is about the disenfranchisement of black people or whether its the anger displayed towards militant political youth leaders, everyone faces the same situation. So we would rather escape to these idyllic destinations not to enjoy the scenery, but to hear different complaints; whether it be tsunamis, earthquakes or politcal coups; it is nice to know that other people might have it worse than us! So if you stay in Gauteng and you have had enough of our complaints, treat yourself to a nice earful of terrorist alerts, tsunami warnings and Richter scale readings, the airport in Kempton is not too far away!